Loving Yourself

My pastor, Erwin McManus, pointed out a very small part of a passage in a message that I have memorized and read all my life, yet missed this small part.  It’s in the details of the Bible that many of us miss.  It’s to love yourself.  “Jesus replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”  Matthew 22:36-37 (NIV) Check out the last two words, “Love yourself.”  How do you love others if you don’t love yourself. 

I get being selfless.  I get putting others first, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t love yourself.  In order to love others, you need to love yourself. A celebrity this last week on Twitter asked how come people were so angry?  I responded with an answer that I hope revealed my love for God, others, and myself.  When we love ourselves, we don’t allow others to have the type of authority over us that is harmful for us and others.

Loving ourselves means letting go of the past wrongs and hurts and living in the present.  Loving ourselves means we treat others better than they treat us because we want to show them how we need to be treated.  Loving ourselves means we serve others joyfully because we know that our service is making a small difference in someone’s life. 

Loving ourselves means we make time to do what we were called to do and not just out of obligation.  It’s a change of heart that requires a love from and for God.  When I truly understood that God loved and liked me for who I am and not for who I am not, the love for myself became stronger.  I try to see the good in others that I know, because I want them to focus on the good in me.  For the people I do not know, for me to judge them is inviting others to judge me the same way. 

Being selfless works.  It works that you are selfless and others give a strange look, but positively respond.  It’s buying the coffee for the person behind you in line at the coffee shop.  It’s letting the car in front of you who needs to get over on the freeway.  It’s listening and truly taking time to think before responding to criticism.  When you love yourself the way God intended, you have a life that is much more fulfilling. 

It’s one of the most difficult concepts I’ve had in my spiritual journey, but I work on it daily.  If it were easy, everyone would do as the verse says and love others as they love themselves.  It starts with loving oneself.  It starts with one. 

Envy

 Some people leave social media because they become depressed reading about other people’s posts of great experiences in their lives.  Psychologists are studying the effects of social media.  One effect is the idea of people’s jealousy when they read about others good life. The whole idea of envying what others have will create in us an anxiety because envy is a root of many sins. 

Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”  I have noticed that in the church or among Christians or people in general, we mourn with those who mourn.  Most people have a general concern for those who have lost a loved one or have had horrible medical news, but when it comes to rejoicing with those who are rejoicing, we struggle because of jealousy. 

On an episode of the show, Monk, (Yes, I still watch the reruns) the captain tells Monk that the root of most of the sins in the world is envy.  The writer was right.  Think about it.  Why do people kill, steal, destroy, gossip, lie, etc.?  They envy what the other person has.  If we could eliminate jealousy, we would have lives with much more satisfying and fulfilling. 

It should be encouraging to read on social media the joy that others are experiencing in life.  For some people, it is their only glimpse of happiness.  We should rejoice because God is doing something great in someone’s life, and if we think about it, He is willing and waiting to do something great in everyone’s life.  He wants all of us to fulfill our own purpose in life.

When we look at pictures or hear stories, most people leave out the details of some events of the real stories.  I can only imagine what the character Clark Griswald would tell his friends and relatives about his many adventures on all his vacations in the Vacation movies.  Those movies reveal many vacation mishaps and all anyone sees are the snippets of a family posing for a picture. 

When envy comes into our lives, it creates a bitterness that eats away at our soul.  It debilitates us and keeps us from being our best selves.  As a single person, I rejoice when a friend gets engaged or married.  It gives me hope that there is someone for me.  It’s not always easy, but if I don’t rejoice, it will fill me with bitterness and take away a small part of me that I don’t want to lose and make me unattractive for that someone out there for me.   

If I truly believe that God has created me for a purpose, and that every single person on this earth has a purpose to fulfill, then I cannot envy when others are beginning to fulfill their purpose.  I have struggled at points in my life to rejoice with other’s happiness, but it just diverted me from my own purpose.  A few years ago, I decided to be excited with those who experience good things in life.  It made a world of difference and I discovered from their successes how I could be stronger.  I would love to imagine a world without envy.  I wonder if depression would lessen and contentment would grow.  Being jealous brings all kind of bitterness, wrath and evil.  Being content brings peace and joy and purpose to life.  I choose the latter.

Home

I love to travel.  Every place has new sights to see, interesting food to taste, and delightful people to meet, but there is no place like home.  There are places where I have lived and experienced a part of my life.  Those places created a part of me of who I am.  Home isn’t where you hang your hat.  It’s where you hang your heart.

I grew up in Daytona Beach Florida.  I was able to visit Daytona this last week and reconnect with a great friend.  Daytona is known for a racetrack, a beach on which you can drive any car, and Spring Break, but the real identity in my hometown is in friendships.  Only a few of my friends remain in Daytona, but no matter where we live today we are still connected.  Daytona may be small in population and acreage, but the friendships, peace, and memories are as large as the Atlantic Ocean that borders the town.

Home contains people who are there for you.  Home contains a place where you can use your talents and gifts to make the world a better place.  Home is where you can influence the most important people to you in your life.  Home is where you can grow and thrive, and everything in your hometown creates a space for you to thrive.

Home provides peace.  It’s not easy to be peaceful in a community that is contentious, so we need to provide peace. 

Home extends beyond family that is blood.  It’s family made up of people who love and care about you.  It’s a family that accepts you with all of your quirks, as you accept others with all of their quirks.  It’s a family that loves and accepts people no matter what they believe, because love covers over so much.

I love to travel.  I have come to realize that I love the people that I meet when I travel or the people that get to reconnect with in life that makes my travelling so much better. A home is made up of people. People are great and flawed, but every home has its best and worst parts.  Home.  There is no place like it. 

Risk

 A few years ago, a pastor challenged us to “Name our year.”  We were to name it to something we wanted to achieve throughout the year.  I’ve been optimistic, but cautious.  I named my years “adventure,” “Dreams,” etc.  This year I jumped.  This year with everything swirling around me, I took on the word, “RISK.”  When I took the word I realized how cautious I really am. 

When I took on the word, “risk,” I didn’t mean skydiving, bunging jumping, deep sea diving, or even cliff diving.  I meant to take a real risk in my life and do life with dares.  It means taking a risk with my writing. It is with our deepest passions that we must take that first step and share with the world our talents and gifts. 

I must risk the laughter, the negative comments, the criticism, the backlash, and even the idea that some people will gossip.  It’s fine.  These are the symptoms of their own fears.  It’s easier to hide behind the screen of criticism to someone who risks rather than take that jump first.  It’s easier to scream that a person is horrible rather than face our own imperfections. 

With all the fears aside, it is time that I jump. Instead of standing on the edge of the cliff looking down at the water below, I must take that leap of faith.  Rocks may attack me on my way down and scratch me a bit, but the landing in the water will be exhilarating.  So, I’m not over thinking.  I’m taking a risk.  I’m going to jump.  I will live my passions and not let fear keep me from them. The world is waiting.  I need to live my passions and live life to the fullest.  I need to serve others and love with extreme grace even when others don’t give it in return.   My encouragement is to take a risk and live your passions.  The world is waiting for you to jump.   

The Church

 The church has hurt me, and in my journey of healing from the hurt, I have continued to go to church, and even started loving it again.  The church has been blemished and has a dark spot in recent history.  Many people are leaving the church with anger and bitterness because of the lack of compassion and love.  They may be right with their information, but for the past two weeks I was reminded that the church, with all its flaws is one big family and if we all come together as a family compassion, grace, and love will become a valuable part of the church again. 

The church would be perfect if there were no people.  Think about it.  People make it messy.  The pastor gets up every week and speaks.  Every week someone emails him and lets him know that there were flaws in his message.  The pastor is just frustrated that three people left early with their baseball jerseys on, the baby in the back kept squealing, and he’s pretty sure someone snored during the most important part of his message.  If there were no people, then his message would be brilliant; however, the church is not a building.  The church is the people.  It’s one big messed up family. 

This last week was like going back to a family reunion.  No family is perfect.  Every family is flawed and many families try to hide the flaws.  The church is discovering that we need to stop hiding our flaws and begin fixing them.  The people who can help the most with making the changes the church needs are those of us who have been hurt.  We can be bitter and post negative news about the church, or we can get our hands dirty and go to church and begin the healing.  It will take time.  It will take work.  It can be done. 

For the past two weeks I was travelling and visiting with friends from National Bible Bowl (Bible quiz teams) and friends from Christian college.  We reminisced, ate food, laughed, and enjoyed each other.  Time had not passed since our college days.  The church met this last week in a large room with encouragement from speakers and worship, but the church also met around dinner and lunch tables with laughter and joy.  The church doesn’t just meet on Sunday gatherings, but when two or three are gathered together with Jesus bring us all together in the center of it all. 

The church within those walls had grace and love.  As I sat with strong healthy leaders in a small group, there was no condemnation, but encouragement that discouraged leaders so desperately needed.  The church movement that prided itself on fellowship and numbers has grown to understand that many of our church leaders become discouraged and walk away from ministry and some from God.  It is now growing to train and encourage those discouraged leaders, not just for the churches, but also for the individual leaders to love God and the family of God. 

No family is perfect.  No church is perfect.  No person is perfect.  Our world will become a better place when we all recognize that.  The church has wounded many and it’s time that it begins to heal.  The church needs and can do better.  We don’t have to believe the same as everyone else, but we can respect and love one another.

The church has flaws because it has people.  The people are flawed, but the people are also beautiful.  Time has passed, but our friendships have strengthened. The church doesn’t have four walls.  Those four walls are broken down when people all over the world come together in small parts and unite.  Flawed people with quirks, sins, and hope that the world can be a better place come together and give love.  If you want the church to change and become better, then go into one and be the change you want to see.  It will take time and work, but it can be done. I want to be a part of a revolution and not look back and wonder what it would have been like if I had been a part of it.   The church is messy because of people, but the church can heal and change because of the love and grace of Jesus.