Hiding Behind Our Screens of Perfection

 I have heroes. My heroes are unlike superheroes. My heroes have flaws and sins and make mistakes; however, their greatness far outshines their flaws, except on social media. Recently, a hero of mine was attacked for not having the perfect words after a disappointing moment in his life. I do not worship this hero, but I do respect him. Twitter went a flutter because of the words he spewed. He’s a great coach. He is the only coach in college basketball to have over 1,000 wins. He’s written a book on leadership. His super power is his leadership skills that inspires his players to win. He’s not a perfect human being. In fact, his words were not that degrading, but when perfect people look for a flaw, they will attack whatever we do or say as it was the worst thing in the world, and their flaws and sins are never revealed. Therein lies the problem. 

When we are so focused on pointing out the flaws and sins of others, we hide our own sins and flaws. I know because I have done that most of my Christian life. With social media, it has become much easier to hide. We hide behind our screens and present a perfect life. if we do have a flaw or make a mistake, we cover it up with pointing out the flaws of someone else. If someone else looks horrible, our own flaws do not look so bad. It is a bad choice and one that most of us make, especially on social media. 

There are people in the Bible that made this same choice. They are the Pharisees and other religious leaders. They would walk around and point out the flaws of other people, while at the same time committing the same sins or wrongs that their victims would never think of committing. I would love to demean this kind of perfection, but I cannot because I have done the exact same thing. We all hide so that people will not think less of us. in reality, those who think highly of us would like to see how we handle those mistakes and flaws. 

To be fair, no one wants to read anyone’s own sins or flaws on social media. We do want to see the good. We can all decide for ourselves when a person with some fame says something if the words are evil or not. We do not need thousands of people to inform us of how horrible someone is. I do not want to see the bad in people. I know my heroes and their flaws. That’s why they are my heroes. I know how they have overcome their flaws and risen above them to accomplish the great feats that they have done. 

The reason why people want to expose the flaws of those who have accomplished amazing feats is because they believe that if they bring others down, it will build them up. Maybe they cannot act in a film or coach a basketball team, but they can fold their laundry. Sorry, but when we point out the flaws of others who are using their gifts and talents to the fullest, we are revealing that we have yet to accomplish the fullness of our gifts and talents, including myself. 

As we enter the second month of the year 2021, I have decided to revisit my goals for the New Year. I want to be better. I want to do better. I want to work on me and improve myself. It will start with not judging others for their flaws and working on my gifts and talents. Once I focus on me, I do not have time or energy to focus on others. I want to inspire others and have others inspire me. I know everyone is flawed, but I am going to choose to see the good in others. February is the month of love. Maybe we can begin to show and give love and then we will be open to receive it. 

Run Away or Stay?

 There are two major responses to fear. We either fight or take flight. For most of my life I have been the person to take flight. If trouble was brewing, I ran away. If I sensed that if I stayed where I was that I would encounter hardships, I ran. Unfortunately, I did not run from relationships in which I should have run the moment I saw a red flag. I did not run from unhealthy workplaces. I would always run from that which I could face and fight. I ran because I was afraid that people would be disappointed in me. I always stayed when I could not fight because I was afraid of what people would think if I took flight. I had to learn to fight or flight with God not with people’s opinions. 

It has taken maturity and strength to recognize when I should stay and when I should take flight. It has also taken the fact that I have purposely surrounded myself with Christians who believe that we must stay where we are needed the most to present the Gospel and not hide in our little Christian caves. Most of my life, I have hidden in that Christian cave, even as I have lived in Los Angeles, California. Those Christian caves can be built anywhere, and they are very dangerous to our faith. I know because I recognized that when I crawled out of it. 

When I resided in the Christian cave, I was unaware of the negative influence that I had become for Christ. It was never my intention to exclude people or to make people feel inferior because they did not believe in Christ or did not reside in the Christian cave with me, but it is exactly what had occurred. Throughout my Christian life, I was encouraged to reside in the Christian cave because people believed that those who were outside of it would influence me to walk away from Christ. The irony is that it was from within the cave that my faith waivered. 

Within the cave, I received criticism and a list of rules that I had to abide by in order to thrive as a Christian. It is within the cave that I believed the term to become a “better Christian.” I have recently recoiled from that term to become a better human being and represent Christ. Christianity is not a competition, so I don’t know what a “better” Christian looks like. As a Christian, I am to replicate the attitude and actions of Christ, not of a person. Unfortunately, it took me years to recognize that much of my Christian beliefs were built on people that I thought were “better” Christians, instead of my faith being built on Christ who is the best.

So, I stepped out of the cave and entered a world where I need to influence people. I am always learning how to speak both in-person and online. I am trying to have intelligent conversations with people with whom I disagree. I don’t want to run away from those who do not believe in Jesus. I do not want to run away from those who vote differently from me. I do not want to run away from those who may commit immoral acts that I have not committed, but have committed my fair share of immoral acts with my own sins.  I want to stay and fight the good fight of faith. 

In recent weeks, I have recognized that people who are Christians want to run into caves. Some caves are filled with Christians. Some caves are filled with people who are Christians and because they voted differently than those in the other cave, they feel that they are superior to them and refuse to communicate with them. Both caves are filled with “better” Christians. I have been in both caves, and I no longer reside in a cave. I am out among the people. I have discovered that we all want great things for our country, our states, our cities, our communities, and our churches. 

Jesus said, “Go and make disciples of all nations.” (Matthew 28:18) Jesus said. “Go.” He did not say stay separate. Some of us need to gently and in love teach how to represent Christ well. We can only do that with humility and confess our own mistakes and sins. We need to lead and not run away. Others of us, need to stop running away from social media sites that do not have just “Christian” values, but sites that need Christians to stay and encourage others. We just may need to be aware of how we say our words of truth in love and realize that Jesus is so much bigger and better than any political figure or political party or agenda. 

It is my hope and desire that for the first time in a long time, Christians will stop running away. Christians please stay and fight the good fight. “How can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?” Christians have run away from Hollywood and scream that it is immoral. Christians have run away from large cities and claim that they are evil. Christians have run away from public schools and universities and claim that they are void of God. Christians let us stand together and not make another mistake. Let us stay on social media where Jesus is needed. We have all sinned. No sin is greater. It is time we love those whose sins are different than our own. Be love. Be the light. Let us come out of the caves and stop running and stay. It won’t be easy, comfortable, or safe, but it will be well done. 

The Pen IS Mightier Than the Sword

 I have tried unsuccessfully to write what my thoughts were about the terrorist attack on the capitol of the United States of America. I was angry and ashamed that people believe that violence is the answer to all of the world’s problems. People may not like the outcome of any election, but that just means that we, as citizens, need to become better and stronger servants in our communities. Since that horrific event, I have learned that many of the people were gathered and angry because of posts on social media sites. Don’t get me wrong. I love the way social media has kept me connected to old friends and new friends, but it has also made me realize that what we write on social media can have more power than we know. 

If you have been on social media for any amount of time, you have probably offended someone and someone has offended you. I know when I hit people too hard with my words, I get frustrated with myself and try to correct the wrong. I do like to have serious conversations with my friends on social media because I have smart friends, but when I try to have a serious conversation, people bring out their pens with sharp points and begin stabbing people. I have always known that I could write my way in or out of anything. I think many people on social media think that they can too. Social media has exposed the fact that many people who feel they are not heard can spew their thoughts with a few strokes of a keyboard. 

Words are powerful. What we write can contain more power than what we say because we do not always see the intent of the words that we write. One of the reasons the Bible is powerful is because the words are written. One of the reasons the Bible is misinterpreted is because many who read it do not understand the intent or read it out of context. As Christians, we must write our social media posts so that our words have power and yet, do not bring hurt to others. We must convey the context with love. The apostles were able to do that as they wrote their letters in the Bible. They knew that the pen was stronger than any speech or sword because the written word lasts forever. 

Some Christians are upset that what they post politically is being blocked on social media sites. We have freedom of speech, but a private organization can restrict our speech. Social media websites have the freedom to restrict what we post on the Internet. We may not like the restrictions, but that doesn’t mean that they cannot exist. Every time I submit my writing, I have perimeters and restrictions.  People are suffering. They need health and help, not harm. What we write on the Internet is there forever. I have discovered that I need to be careful with what I write. 

In the Bible, James talks about our speech. He uses the metaphor of a forest fire to the words that we put out in the universe. Our words can damage people and a whole community for a very long time. Our words can also inspire and challenge people and a whole community. I think of the power of the words Martin Luther King Jr. put out and his words have inspired and changed many people. We have to choose which we are going to do. Are we going to help our hurt? 

People state that we need to speak the truth. The Bible states to speak the truth in love. Love prefers to be kind than right. Love does not belittle people or call them names. Love shows empathy and compassion. Love gives solutions. Love heals. 

I have made my word for the year 2021, “Fearless.” I want to be fearless in my writing, but I want my pen to be a mighty sword that brings healing and not harm. I know I’ll mess up and I know that I’ll have to revisit this blog for myself. I also want the church to rise up and become the leaders we need to be in America. We need to not be so concerned about politics and more concerned about how we bring Jesus to others. We can start a forest fire with our words. May we start a fire with words that are encouraging and challenging and inspiring instead of words that are burning down communities. People are reading our words. May we strike first, strike hard, and have mercy with our words that we write, so that our swords will be powerful in bringing the Gospel to the world. 

A Different and Better New Year--2021

Every year we all watch the clock tick from 11:59 on December 31st to 12:00AM on January 1st, and we celebrate the new possibilities of what is to come. We are so glad to be done with the year that was behind us and the trials and troubles that came with it, whether they came upon us or we caused them. For the past few years, I have noticed that many people complain of how bad the old year was and look forward to what is to come. For the year 2020, many are thankful to put it behind them, as it was difficult and full of trials, but maybe, just maybe those trials are what created the year to be unique.  

We have to take one day at a time and stop giving up when we miss our goals for one day. Before the year 2015, I would set goals or resolutions to do something every day. Usually, the task was writing. Then, I would miss a day. Then, I was done. I didn’t take the time to develop a habit. I didn’t take the time to give grace for one missed day. Then, in 2015, a pastor said, “No one ever keeps their New Year’s resolutions.” I know what he said after that, but I took that first line as a challenge. I decided that year to write every day, but I also decided that if I miss, I just pick it up the next day and start over. What a huge relief that was. A habit was developed. It’s now five years later and I’m still going strong writing every day. 

We have to develop good and healthy habits. It’s interesting how quick we develop bad habits that we usually don’t realize that we have developed them. We spend time watching Netflix or television. We eat unhealthy foods because we have convinced ourselves that we do not have time to create a healthy meal. We stop exercising because we claim we do not have time, while we spend more time binge watching a show on Netflix. This entire list contains all my excuses. We don’t have to focus on creating bad habits because they are easy to create. Many people focus on stopping the bad habits, which becomes difficult.  We have to focus on creating good habits. 

Creating good habits is one of my downfalls. I write every day. It took a full year for that habit to really become something that was routine. We create good habits when we decide that we must make a change in our lives to have a different or better life. It starts slow and gets stronger each and every day. It starts with creating good habits around the habits we really want to develop. 

If we really want to make the year better or different we have to face challenges or difficulties head on and conquer them. The year 2020 was so difficult for most people. Many lost loved ones. Many lost their jobs. Many lost relationships. How we handle disappointments and tragedies reveals our strengths and weaknesses in our character. Life will never be without them. It doesn’t matter what day it is, what month it is or what year it is. Life happens and it can hit us hard. Do we hit it back or do we sit back and wallow and drown ourselves in our sorrows? 

We have to fight through all of our struggles. We must take the time to grieve. We must go through the grieving process. That’s part of the fight. We can never stop fighting through our trials. Trials build our character and perseverance. We cannot run from trials, but embrace them. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4 (NIV) Our struggles and trials create us to be strong. Our strength does not come from the good things in life, but from those things that cut our very soul. 

It was from the trials that I develop good habits. It is from trials that the habit of writing every day became routine. In order to have the best year, we need to resolve to become strong with every trial that we will face, and realize that it will create a character in us with good habits. When we become strong, our lives become different and we can look back at the end of the year and recognize our growth and how wonderful the year was because we became stronger. Happy New Year! May it be a year when we all become stronger because we have created one good habit.