Why Should I Forgive the Jerk?

As I sit in my favorite coffee shop procrastinating the inevitable grading I must do, I am listening to one of my favorite movie soundtracks…Cinderella.  It’s the 2014 instrumental version.  Although this story strays a bit from the original Grimm’s Fairy Tale, the ending is beautiful.  It’s not the fact that the servant marries the prince, but the fact that the mistreated servant forgives her evil stepmother who enslaved her.  She turns as she is leaving the darkened castle that trapped her, looks at her stepmother going up the stairs, and speaks the three hardest words in the English language, “I forgive you.” 

The simplicity brings much depth to a story that needed those three words.  The stepmother did not respond.  She did not even stay in Cinderella’s life.  Those three words were never meant for the stepmother.  They were spoken to free Cinderella of all her chains.  Not only did the chains that her stepsisters and stepmother put on her to serve them hold her back from her dreams, but also the chains of her own frustrations and bitterness.  “I forgive you,” was for Cinderella. 

Today, people struggle to forgive others.  I know a young man who refuses to forgive a whole church for not giving him money because he wanted to pursue a career that did not give him a job.  He said that he would never forgive that church.  Funny, no one at that church today, ten years later, knows him.  No one at that church is harmed because of his unforgiveness.  The only one harmed is the young man unwilling to forgive. 

Jesus can forgive any sin.  Forgiveness is for the person forgiving to heal.  We cannot forget because our minds will not let us.  Don’t believe me?  Forget the color purple exists.  Now, all you can do is think about that color purple.  (Of course, I picked my favorite color.)  We forgive, and we learn from the situation to become stronger people.  Strength does not come when life is great and comfortable.  It comes through trials.  James 1 informs us that we will face trials, as he uses the word, “WHEN,” and not “IF.”  Trials give us perseverance in our faith.  Forgiveness is on the path to perseverance. 

I have noticed that many people are angry and bitter in our country today.  Some people are so angry and bitter at the church, Christians, God, non-Christians, Republicans, Democrats, big companies, small companies, bosses, friends, spouses, children, parents, siblings, people, dogs, cats, birds, fish, movies, television shows, Disney, etc.  The list is too long to continue.  I do notice that the anger and bitterness that people hold tightly is due to the fact that they refuse to forgive.  Forgiveness would create for them a means to let go. 

I encourage you.  No matter what the issue or problem.  In the words of the deep philosopher, Princess Elsa, “Let It Go.”  Forgiveness is the path to letting go. Forgive.  Learn.  Become Strong.  Persevere.  You are the only one that the unforgiveness is harming. 

The Voices in My Head

As a teacher, in order to get all students to stop talking, I tell them the following:  “I can still hear voices.  If the voices are only in my head, they sound like your voices, which should scare you, so be silent so I can tell the difference.” As I look back on my life, I realize that I have not listened to the right voices, and the wrong voices have been stuck in my head for far too long. 

Although I believe that we must move forward from our past, I also believe that we must learn from our past and use what we learn in our present life in order to make our future brighter.  The wrong voices have always told me all the wrong things I have done.  There were so many times I felt that God didn’t like me.  He loved me, but with all the wrong voices screaming at me, he didn’t like me.  My theology, even as a youth pastor, was completely wrong. 

Not only does God love us, but he also likes us.  He created us, and His creation is beautiful.  Unlike us, He sees the beauty in His creation.  Our personalities are unique and made to do His mission.  So, how do I diffuse all the wrong voices?

First, I begin listening to the right voices.  Like my friend said, I need to dive into books, podcasts, and connect with people who allow me to fail and encourage me to pick myself back up because I have the strength to get up and do better with my gifts and quirks.  

Second, I silence the wrong voices.  I follow James 5:16.  “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”  (NIV) So, if you plan to walk up to me and try to tell my wrongdoings and/or sins, be ready for my combative response to not only stop you, but to quote this verse and tell you that you need to confess your sins to me first.  Then, I confess my sins.  Then we pray.  Then our prayer will be powerful and effective.  Isn’t it ironic that we as Christians only remember the last part of that verse?  The first part is difficult to do, but it must be done.  Accountability and trust are needed for the first part.  If you just walk up and point out my flaws, it takes boldness and arrogance. 

Third, we need to learn to trust one another and be accountable.  In the church, that means you are trustworthy.  You can become trustworthy when you open up to someone you trust with your sins.  If all we do is point out the sins of others, we are not following the Gospel.  We are becoming like the Pharisees.  You see, when you only point out the sins of others and their wrongdoings, you are hiding from your own sins and wrongdoings.  Begin to step into the light and trust and become accountable. 

Every day I have to remind myself to listen to the right voices and not those who have to let me know that I am flawed.  I know my flaws.  I am trying to fix them.  It takes time.  It takes trust.  It takes accountability.  It takes love.  So, please, be quiet.  I need to hear the right voices in my head. I hope yours is one that I can hear.