Gray Matters

Have you ever sat in a room and listened to people arguing and you can understand both sides? Have you ever listened to people claim that one group of people is evil and another group is righteous and you can see both evil and righteousness in both groups?  If you have, then you understand my dilemma in life. I see the gray…in most situations. Recently, I discovered a television show that portrays all its characters as gray. The protagonists have some serious flaws that can be cringe worthy and the villains have some qualities that show love and grace that I wish more people in real life would have.  Cobra Kai has the gray matter, and in real life, gray matters. Cobra Kai is a television series that is a sequel to the original Karate Kid movies with the villain, Johnny, becoming the protagonist and the protagonist, Daniel, becoming the villain. 

I went to the National Debate Championship for high school students at the Ronald Reagan Library. The general public was only able to see the final two contestants. They both had to know how to speak for both sides. What a concept!  To see both sides of an issue makes you realize that in our world today, we have to see that answers to some hardcore issues can come from both sides.

Unfortunately in gray matters, the truth gets obscured. I’ve always told my students in an argument or fight that there are three sides to every story. There’s the side of the one person, the side of the other person, and then there’s the truth. No one may be overtly lying, but the truth gets seen in perspective. In gray matters, we take a look through the lens of the other person’s truth in order to find a solution. It’s how many detectives are able to discover the truth to the story.

I know that there are absolute truths in the world, and yes I believe in absolute truth. I know that there are people who would call me stupid for believing in absolute truth, but the absolute truth of gravity still keeps them from floating up in the air. In looking at a person through the lens of his or her perspective doesn’t mean you obscure your truth. It means you begin to understand how they see truth. It means that you see why they do what they do without judgment. It means that you realize that people are more complex than the pigeonhole that you keep trying to press into everyone, including yourself.

Once you begin to see people for who they are beyond the villain or the protagonist, you see what you can do to make the world a better place and influence them to join in on your cause. A person who has lost the fight doesn’t want to hear how evil he or she is. They want to know what they can do to win next time.

The old state of a true good guy and a true bad guy is just about gone in our world of story telling. Art is supposed to imitate life, but if we have to, maybe we should let life imitate art and begin to see those gray matters first in ourselves, and then in others. Sometimes you have to sit back and just observe, take note, and only speak when we have wisdom, not anger because speaking in anger will always make you a villain. May we take the time to be a protagonist to all those with whom we disagree and instead of seeing them as just the villain, see them as a protagonist of their own story.

The story is being written. The verdict is out. One episode you may cheer for Cobra Kai, and the next episode you may cheer for Miyagido. If we could look at the issues that we are undergoing in our current society, we need to look at people as people because if we don’t, we will all fall into the arena of pure evil.

#45 Life is Fragile

In our current society, we would rather ridicule and insult people rather than show kindness with our words and actions. I was reminded a couple of weeks ago, that when we are cruel, we might regret our words and actions more than we could ever know. If we would concentrate more on being kind with our words and actions, then when a tragedy occurs, our response can be one that people need in order to recover.

Last Friday night, July 12, 2019, my family and I went to the Angels baseball game. Usually, that is not a memorable event, but Friday was not an ordinary game for the Angels organization. It was their first home game since their beloved player, Tyler Skaggs, had died. He was only twenty-seven years old. He was a pitcher. Not only did the Angels win with 13 runs, and a no-hitter, they honored their friend and teammate by all wearing his jersey with his #45 and name, until the end of the game when they all laid the jerseys on the mound. It was a beautiful tribute.

We can only give that type of tribute to someone when we treat him or her well when they are alive. My friend who is a die hard Angels fan gave me this title that life is fragile. How we treat people when they are alive is so much more important than how we honor them when they die.

How we live our lives every day can mean so much to others. The tribute was only beautiful because Tyler Skaggs had been a positive influence on his teammates and the community. His sudden death at a young age reminds me that we always need to live life to the fullest and make an impact on those around us, which will make an impact on the world. It doesn’t have to be anything of grandeur. It just needs to make a difference in someone else, and then it will move forward to others. Like the ripple effect of the pebble dropped in the water, one small act of kindness can go further than what we may ever know.

In our current society, there is so much hatred and violence. Many people struggle with depression and emotional issues. Small acts of kindness can make a difference in a person’s life. I know it’s something I have to do. I don’t have to agree with their politics, religion, or how they live, but an act of kindness to let them know that they matter can mean so much to someone.

Life is fragile and sacred. Tyler wore #45. He took time in his life to serve others. I’m looking at his number that is significant to the Angels. Then, I thought about it.  In the measurement of time, forty-five seconds, minutes, hours, or days are not very large increments of our lives, but they can become significant. Forty-five seconds is not quite a minute. Forty-five minutes is not quite an hour. Forty-five hours is not quite two full days, and forty-five days is a month and a half. Time is precious, but if we are honest with ourselves, we waste a lot of it. I know I do. So, I’m going to try a challenge for myself with the number forty-five. Here are some ideas.

·      Maybe for forty-five minutes we could be kind to someone that is difficult.

·      Maybe for forty-five days we could do one kind act no matter how small. 

·      Maybe for forty-five seconds we can stop and think before we post something on social

           media, and then decide to write it in a way that is not condemning or mean.

·      Maybe for forty-five people we can do something that would let them know that someone cares.

Tyler Skaggs was only twenty-seven years old, but he made a difference both on and off the field and number forty-five will always be in the hearts of his teammates, family, and friends, and hopefully, the number forty-five will become a ripple effect to those who need it the most.