Ask for Help

When I went back to Cincinnati, Ohio this last Christmas, I walked around my former college campus that is now closed thinking, “Why didn’t they ask for help?” I reminisced of all the good times that Cincinnati Christian University (Cincinnati Bible College) held for me. The incredible friendships that were built there have lasted a lifetime and the knowledge that we gained turned into wisdom in our adult years of life and ministry. Now the school is closed and all I could wonder is why didn’t they ask for help. It’s easy for me to look on the outside and ask that, but when I really begin to reflect, I have to ask myself the same thing, “Why didn’t I ask for help?”

Last weekend was Valentine’s Day weekend. I don’t hate the holiday, but I have not had good experiences with it either. I would like to sit back and blame all the wrongs that the guys did to me. I have done that for too long and it doesn’t fix anything. I looked back after walking the campus of Cincinnati Christian University and realized that in my life, when I needed to ask for help, I didn’t. My arrogance and ignorance caused me to fail in relationships and I sat in depression blaming the guys and blaming others who helped cause the failure and never looked inside and wondered what I could do. Now that I’m older, I realize that I need to ask for help.

Asking for help is difficult. It’s difficult because we have to admit that we are not as great as we think we are. Humility is a key component in life that we all need to attain and realize that it is a necessity of life. Throughout time, people have claimed that asking for help is a weakness, but it’s actually a strength. When we ask for help, we gain wisdom that we don’t naturally have. No one is knowledgeable about everything, so we have to ask those with more knowledge, wisdom, and life experience in order to be able to succeed.

Asking for help gives us direction. Once I discovered to ask for help, I realized that I have a direction and a purpose to continue to move forward. So many people are stuck in their past failures that they cannot even look in the direction that is in front of them much less begin to move forward. I know because I was stuck in the early 2000’s, but once I was forced to go in a new direction in life, I could only look forward and I was forced to ask for help every step of the way, which is why I was able not just survive or thrive.

Asking for help involves other people. My pastor, Erwin McManus, says that we need people to grow as humans and he is absolutely correct. We must work with others in order to accomplish our goals. No one is an island to themselves. When we are an island, we fail. If we ask for help, people know that we are struggling and then they reach out and begin to care.

Asking for help is scriptural. People in the Bible had to ask for help when they were in trouble. Most of the time, God intervened with sending them a person to do their work. In order for society to become better and humanity to begin behaving like humans, we need to rely on each other for help in areas that we are not experts at doing. We may do our one part really well, but imagined what could happen if we involved others with our endeavors. The first way to involve others is to ask for help. Cincinnati Christian University forgot that they were not an island. They had a strong base of humans that supported them. I forgot when I was younger that in order to have a relationship, I needed to engage in relationships that were healthy beyond the one person I was dating. It all begins with asking for help. May we all ask for help this week.

The Mirror or the Window?

When I look into the mirror, I see my own reflection. I use the mirror for applying make-up and doing my hair. I look to see if my hair is frizzy or parted in the wrong place. For my make-up, I look to see if it is smeared. When I look out of a window, I see how other people are living their lives and how they look. There is nothing I can do to change or fix their appearance or actions. They are outside. I am inside with my mirror. With a mirror, I have to look introspectively. I can see my own flaws and mistakes. With a window, I look on the outside and I can see the mistakes and flaws of others. What matters is where my focus is, so I can change the one on the inside.

In 2007, I took the time to look introspectively into myself and discover why specific events occurred in my life. At first, I looked out of the window and blamed others for my failures, but that did not heal me; it only made the whole situation worse. Once I took the time to look introspectively into my own life, I realized that I am the only person that I can change and fix. In the past thirteen years, I have been a better influence for others, as I have changed my perspective and attitude. I have tried to fix my own sins, flaws, and mistakes.  The result has been remarkable with others around me.

Once I decided to look into the mirror and change and fix myself, those outside of the window began to change. Some people actually did change and became better people because they too decided to work on their own issues and look into a mirror. Some people may not have changed, but since my perspective about them changed, I realized that they have their own reasons and can rationalize them, even if I vehemently disagree with their ideas on life. The point is I cannot change or fix them, and I need to stop looking out of the window and stay focused on the mirror and change and fix the one person that I can, me.

It’s easy to look out of the window and change and fix everyone else. It’s easy because if we just yell and scream at them, then we believe we have done our part. We can listen to them and even give them rational advice, but in the end, they are the only ones that can make a decision to change.

It’s difficult to look into the mirror and look introspectively in ourselves and change or fix what we need to do in our own lives. It’s difficult but it is so worth it. It’s difficult and worth it because we realize that we can make our own choices in life and respond to the ones that others do that hurt us. It’s difficult because we are the only ones that can fix our own mistakes, flaws, and sins, which also means we have to admit that we have the flaws and sins, and no one wants to do that, but it is necessary.

Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Luke 6:41 (NIV) Jesus knew that it is easier for us to see the flaws and sins of others than it is for us to see our own. He knows our hearts. When we do not want to see our own sins and flaws, we look at others so we do not have to confess our own sin. Jesus is right. We need to look at ourselves and not others.

I see all the political posts and all the guilt shaming that people do on social media. I see so many people, both Christians and non-Christians pointing out the flaws in others and never pointing out their own flaws. If we all could just work on that one person that we can truly change, the world around us would become so much better. It all starts with looking introspectively and looking into the mirror and not out the window.

Life is Precious

With the death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and the seven others in the tragic helicopter crash last week, we are reminded that life is too precious to waste on frivolous things. We are reminded that we can exercise, eat healthy, live with strong morals, be careful in every way, and yet, life can end. For me, it was a reminder that I must live every day with purpose and serve others in order to make an impact and a difference in the life of someone else.

It’s easy to just live life and fall into a routine to just exist. I know because I’ve done for far too long. Once I decided to pursue dreams in order to pursue others, I realized that I had time in my life and time should not be wasted. Ironically, Kobe Bryant lived his life with a motto not to waste time, but to live every moment with purpose and pursue greatness. He did not always succeed at that because no one does, but to have it as a motto and a daily goal helps us all to remember that we cannot take life for granted.

It’s easy to hold a grudge and not forgive. It takes strength and maturity to forgive someone. It releases us from being chained to our past and to bitterness, which is not a fun way to live, but it is the easy route because so many people live in this manner. If forgiveness was easy, everyone would do it. No one would reprimand people for sharing stories of forgiveness if it were so easy. Anything in life that is easy is not worth keeping. Doing what is difficult in life is worth it and it creates an urgency in us to realize that the preciousness of life must be protected.

It’s easy to give up on what we love or what we want in life. So many times, we work hard at what we want to accomplish or receive in life and because it gets arduous, we give up because we feel like it is too much for us to reach. Having been disappointed with many areas in life, I have reminded myself not to give up because the process will teach us so much while we endure all the trials and the end goal will be so much more rewarding.

Whatever we do in life, we must remember that we are given a life and that life is precious. What we do with that life is up to us. We cannot sit back and blame others for the situation that we are currently living. Others may have had an impact on us, but how we respond to that impact depends on us. It does not depend on what others have done to us. When we take ownership of our lives and create lives that are valuable with purpose. Life is precious. We do not know when life will end, but we can make the most of every day that we are alive and live it to the fullest.

It took me a long time to discover that wasting time is a sin and it’s one of which I struggle, but I attempt every day to make something purposeful. If we start with one area in our lives, it can grow into other areas. I grew up in the church and I understand that I need to be ready for the afterlife for when I die. With Jesus in my life, I know that I will see him face to face when this life on earth is complete. What I didn’t know was that every day on earth was valuable and important. I took most days for granted and as if I had all the time in the world, but we don’t. Let’s all work to make every day precious and influence the lives of others around us so that they can see Jesus in us. The most important part of our lives is that others see Jesus in us. It’s not that they see our politics or our thoughts or even our favorite parts of life, but that when they see us, they see Jesus. I want to live my life that others see Jesus. It is within that goal that I must live every day with purpose. May 2020 be the year of purpose and no day taken for granted.