Introspective

As I have aged, I have discovered many parts of myself. Some of those parts I like and some I don’t, but the one part that I have come to terms with is the fact that I know what I have to change and fix about myself. No one can change and fix me. I have to do it. One of the most difficult parts of a process of mental health is to look introspectively and discover about yourself what needs to be fixed or changed because I am the only one that I can fix and change.

We all have flaws. The Bible tells us that all of us have sinned and we continue to sin. No human being is perfect, although if you look through social media you can begin to wonder if you are the only person with any flaws. Not only do people choose perfect profile pictures, but they also declare how wonderful they are as they tear others apart on social media and point out the flaws and sins of others. It can become brutal.

 If we are not careful, it can lead to negative thoughts of not being “good enough” and that how I think, believe, or what I do is so deplorable there is no way that I can be redeemed. I know that’s a bit stretched, but the inundation of political posts can begin to do that to a person, especially when we all have more time to be on social media during this time of quarantine.

When I first realized that I had to change and fix myself and stop trying to change and fix others, it was a gut wrenching process. First, I had to see my own flaws and understand how those flaws affect people around me. I have a planner this year that asks at the end of each weekday, “What is one thing you can do to make tomorrow better?” It’s a great question, as it reminds me that first, tomorrow is a new day, and second, I can make tomorrow better just by doing one small task. I can fix and change one flaw one task at a time. I just have to remember to see my flaws as fixable, because they are.  

As we are locked up in our homes during this quarantine, our minds can race with thoughts of all our flaws that need to be out of our lives. The guilt of our wrongdoings can lead to shame. Throughout my lifetime, people have guilt-shamed me into doing what they want me to do instead of me doing what was right for me. This occurred in the church, school, family, jobs, and relationships. In every realm of life, people will try to guilt shame you that you are not worthy. They are trying to change and fix you. The reality is that they refuse to look introspectively into themselves and fix and change themselves, and they forget that the only person they can fix and change is themselves.

I cannot fix or change anyone, except myself. None of us can fix or change anyone but ourselves. That was one of the best revelations in my aged life that I have discovered. I hope younger people can begin to have this revelation. I can inspire, challenge, and encourage others, but I cannot change them. The church has tried for years to change people. It’s failed because Jesus can change them if they accept Jesus. People do not have the power to change and fix other people, except themselves. People who guilt-shame do not fix or change people. To be honest, none of the people who rant and rave are my people who inspire me. The people who inspire me challenge me to think differently. They encourage me to do better the next time. They inspire me with love and grace that Jesus loves me in spite of my flaws and sins. They inspire me to change, but they do not try to fix or change me. I am changed because of their words of inspiration, but they guide me to reflect on myself.

We’ve been locked up in our homes for a month. A month is a long time. It can give us perspective of how we used to live and how we took it for granted. We can look at how we treated people, and what we need to do to be better people when this time is done. It’s difficult to change habits, but it starts with one small change at a time. Maybe during this time, the habit is to think before we speak. That can start on social media to not respond to a post. The habit of being lazy can change as we can all do one small task a day that takes some amount of energy that we did not use the past day. Whatever the habit is that we need to form, we need to begin creating it now, so that when this is over, we are better.

Step by step is how we can break a bad habit, but it is also how we develop good habits. We can do one task each day that creates a good habit. It can be very small, such as making our beds. Whatever it is, we only achieve it when we take it step by step each day. I remember in 2014, a speaker challenged me when he said that no one keeps a New Year’s Resolution. I decided that day that in 2015 I would commit to writing every day. It’s 2020, and I have written every day for the past five years. I have not only become a more proficient writer, but also a better teacher of writing to my students. It took one day at a time to develop a habit.

May we all use this time in quarantine to focus on what we can do and what good habits we can create. It is with that line of thinking that we will be able to fix and change ourselves, which in turn will fix and change the world around us. It will not be posting any meme, or any political rant that will fix or change anyone, but each of us taking on one good habit to create. Good habits lead to good results. At the end of this quarantine, with good habits in place, we may all be surprised in the end who has changed the most.

Easter in Qurantine

The disciples were gathered in a home after Jesus died and they feared for their lives to step outside believing someone would kill them. When the women came in and told them that the tomb was empty and the angel told them that Jesus was risen from the dead, two of the disciples, Peter and John, risked their lives and went to see for themselves what was happening at the tomb. They found it just as the women had said. It was empty. Jesus was not there.

We can see the parallel. We are staying in our homes because if we go and gather with others, we might get a potentially deadly virus, but that doesn’t mean we cannot celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. Whether we have church in a building, a tent, a football field, a drive-in, online, or in homes looking at a screen, nothing will change the fact that Jesus is risen from the dead and has defeated death.

Continuing with the parallel with the eleven that were in one house, their lives changed entirely when they met the resurrected Christ. They did what Jesus told them they would do; they became fishers of men. They took what Jesus taught them and brought it to the world. They started new careers as missionaries. They started the church.

As we sit huddled in our homes, disciples of Jesus know that the tomb is empty. We have known it, but we may have forgotten within all the celebrations. This year we have learned we do not need new fancy clothes. We do not need a building to celebrate the resurrected Christ. We need faith. With the faith in Christ, we need to let the world know that there is hope. Our world needs hope right now. Our world needs to know that Jesus gives them hope. Our world needs unconditional love. Jesus gives unconditional love. Our world needs grace. With the death and resurrection, we have grace.

May we sit back and reflect this Easter, like the disciples, of what we can do with what we know and believe. The Internet has connected us all together. We may not be able to travel all over the world, but we can travel to the neighbor and family members that may need supplies or just a word of encouragement. May this Easter open our eyes and bring our focus to the empty tomb, which is where they always needed to have focus. Next year when we are back gathering with the body of Christ, may we have to adjust and adapt as our gatherings are huge because we chose to go into our world and disciples were made.  

Palm Sunday: We Are Moving!

Palm Sunday. Many churches celebrate with some sort of decoration of palm branches, even if they are just in a vase somewhere in the church. Many pastors preach the sermon about Jesus entering Jerusalem and the people praising Him with palm branches. On Palm Sunday 2011, I believe my pastor spoke on something about Palm Sunday. I think. I do know he made the following announcement: “Come join us next week on Easter at our new location in Hollywood.” Yes, we were moving the week before Easter!

Our church was meeting in West Los Angeles. The drive to Hollywood can be anywhere from twenty minutes to forty-five minutes, depending on events of the day, but people moved with enthusiasm. That week before Easter, several volunteers came and cleaned up the new building that we were renting. We arrived early on Easter for a lunch at 1pm and continued to clean and set-up the church for the 5pm service. It was beautiful. I believe we had a dry ice machine. No, wait. That was dust from all our cleaning that filled the room.  When I drove home, I was covered in dust, but it was amazing because I knew that our church was embarking on a new journey that would catapult us into serving the community in so many new ways.  From that one move, so much growth came.

On that Palm Sunday that my pastor made that announcement, I have no idea if people yelled and screamed. I doubt that they did. I’m sure they left in shock. I have no idea because I was not there. I was not sick nor was I out of town. I had the largest project due for my credential class that following Wednesday and I had to go to work that week, so I was sitting in a coffee shop doing my work on the project. I took a fifteen-minute break to look at social media and saw the announcement. I was stunned. I smiled. I loved that my church makes changes and with the changes growth occurs. I grew that Palm Sunday and Easter in my spiritual life to trust God. Our leaders trusted that God would move the hearts of people to move to a new location on Easter. Most churches have sent out their invites with their address on them. We were getting the word out as best as we could that we had a new address.

When life gives us a sudden change, it’s how we respond that determines our attitudes and mental and emotional state. Change is necessary and it usually comes unexpectedly. My spiritual growth has taken me on a journey that is beyond traditions, rules, and rituals, so when a drastic change comes in life, I have been able to adapt. I have been able to use that time to grow.

Being in quarantine was a sudden change. The week before we were told that we would close school for what was to be for two weeks, there was anxiety if we would close the schools or not. Once the announcement was made, there was relief that we could be safe, but there were plenty of uncertainties. We are now approaching our fourth week. I thought for sure we would be able to have church on Easter, but with change, nothing is certain.

It’s one thing to say to walk by faith and not by sight and actually do it. Walking by faith means we live one day at a time. It involves walking forward and not walking in the past or suggesting that others walk in the past with you. We have to walk in the world today and move toward the future. We must change because the only way we can grow is to change. Growth can be painful, but it is always worth it. Change is not always fun, but it is necessary in order to grow. We cannot grow without change and we cannot change without growth.

Being in quarantine is a change for most people. For those of us who work outside of the house, this is strange. Home is a place where I have tried not to bring my work. I will take my work to a coffee shop, but not in the sanctity of my home, but now I have to do work at home and invite my coworkers and students into my home through Zoom. It’s a change and a growth. I have to change my attitude that my home is not a place to waste time but it can also be a space to create and share my work with others. It’s a change that many of us do not want or desire, but we need to use this change to grow.

We have to decide to make mental, spiritual and emotional growths during this time in quarantine. We no longer have the excuse that we don’t have the time. We have the time. We may have to change our routine or change some habits that are not advancing our growth in these areas. We can turn off the news and turn on our minds to what we can do. Let’s use this time to make a difference in the world, even if that difference is not noticed until much later.   

You would think I would have learned my lesson for missing church on Palm Sunday, but I didn’t. Today, I have tickets for my family and I to cheer on the Angels and boo the Houston Astros at Angels Stadium in Anaheim. Dodger fans were going to attend in droves. (I had my Dodger gear ready.) The game was going to be in the afternoon, and with the commute, I would have missed the morning services, of which I attend. I may have attended the evening service, but most likely it would have been on livestream. This quarantine changed me. It reminded me of that Palm Sunday that brought change and amazing growth to my church. I will appreciate being live in church on any Sunday.  

That Palm Sunday in 2011 is forever in my heart and seared in my memory. It has only been in recent years with my spiritual life that I have understood the importance and goodness of change. I have discovered that change leads to growth, and if there is no growth, you either don’t change or let go of the new idea, but you cannot go back to the past.  On the first Palm Sunday, Jesus entered Jerusalem and the people cheered because they believed he would change the world politically. He did change the world, just not politically but so much better with the sacrifice of his life. This Palm Sunday and Easter, may we change how we see Jesus beyond the traditions and rituals with beautiful clothes and come to the throne with a beautiful heart that has the time to be open and listen to His voice. Let us use this quarantine to change our hearts and begin to align our hearts with the heart of Jesus.

Finding Gratitude in Quarantine

I love to go outside of my home. I go to the gym to exercise. I go to a coffee shop to sit and write or grade. I go to a bookstore to discover the new books that are recent along with new books on sale. I go to a mall to just “window shop.” With my family, we go to Disneyland for a few hours at a time. I love going to church, Mosaic, and surround myself with my second family. I love going to movie theaters and theaters with plays and musicals. I love to explore places I have not visited in Los Angeles like museums, beaches, restaurants and malls and I love traveling outside of Los Angeles and exploring new places. I actually enjoy open houses during the time of looking to buy a house. I really love being with my friends no matter where we go. In the past two weeks, I have discovered how to appreciate my home, the Internet, and a trip to the grocery store so much more.

Fear can override an attitude of gratitude because it cripples us when life becomes difficult. We don’t see the good surrounding us. We don’t see what we have. Fear focuses on what we lack and begins to lead us to what is easy instead of what we need to do, which could be difficult.  It’s hard to be grateful in a time that is uncertain, but I have discovered that it is the only way I will thrive during this time of quarantine and what sometimes feels like isolation. I don’t just want to survive this quarantine. I want to thrive. I want to achieve the goals that I have set for myself for the year. This time of interruption just might give me the time that I so desperately need to achieve those goals. There are a few habits that I have to practice in order to have gratefulness and thrive and some habits that I have to quit.

When we are thankful, we use all our resources with wisdom. Time can be a valuable resource that can be tempting to waste during this quarantine. Some people may be gaining more fears and fretting during this time, but we need to use this resource of time with protection and During this time of quarantine, one way to be grateful is to allow the time that we have to be used wisely and to engage in activities that we have neglected. It can be used to reach out to people through the Internet or the phone that we have neglected contacting because we claim we have the lack of time. This large amount of time has been given to us. It is up to us how we use it if it is a blessing or a curse.  

The biggest obstacle to an attitude of gratitude is an attitude of complaining. We’re all in this together and each individual has his or her own struggles through this time. We complain because that is an easy solution that requires no action from us. We deflect to what is easy before we begin to resolve our problems. Resolving our problems takes work and good use of time. Complaining does not take any work and it wastes time. It is easy to wallow in our grief rather than to pick up and begin to do what is needed. I have done my fair share of complaining in life. It’s a bad habit. It’s a bad habit that does not show gratitude for what is good about the situation or about life. I am learning to lean on God with life issues that I cannot control and not complain, and to resolve to do what I can control. Giving up the habit of complaining shows gratitude to God.

I have to start cleaning. In the physical sense, I have to clean and organize my room, since I have to live in it and spend more time in it during this quarantine, but cleaning goes beyond the physical sense. I did take time to clean my desk so that I can Zoom my students for teaching. Now, I have to clean with details. I have to clean my soul from unhealthy thoughts that I am not good enough or that I do not have enough of good things in the world.  I have to clean sin from my life that has held me back from doing what God has called me to do. Cleaning can be done from the inside out during this time.

Blaming others deflects gratitude and reveals our resistance to change and adapt. I have spent many years of my life blaming others for what happened to me. There are incidents that other people caused. I still get to choose how I respond. Blaming others for what I don’t have does not get me what I need or desire. It only delays the process for me to begin to achieve what I need to do. I need to take responsibility for what I can control and for what I can do.

The most appropriate words that makes sense right now is from the cheesy musical, High School Musical, “We’re all in this together.” The difference between people will be those who choose to be grateful for what they have during this time and those who are ungrateful and choose to sit and wallow. The best advice comes from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Let us take this time to be grateful. We can write down one thing each day for which we are thankful. One of my planners has me do that daily, and it works! It has changed my attitude toward each day. Let us all take time to be thankful. In the end of all this, may we all be more grateful for the little things in life and live a life of gratitude and take for granted the small things that bring us joy in our lives.

The Power of Selflessness

Many of us are quarantined within the walls of our homes. For those who have to work to continue to serve our daily needs, thank you. For those of us that feel like we are stuck in time-out for way too long, we need to discover ways that we can serve others and be selfless during this time. A crisis will always reveal our true hearts and souls. It will reveal if we are selfless or selfish.

It is not about you. Those five words are critical in this pandemic. Being quarantined is not about you not getting the disease, but to keep you from being a carrier to others whose immune systems may not be able to defeat this disease. Once we change our mindset that we can live by faith and live selflessly at the same time, we change the dynamic of any crisis. Staying away from people does not mean we cannot create a better world.

Many of us have been given extra time to create. Some people during this time will be selfless enough to create something beautiful for the world. While being quarantined from the bubonic plague, Sir Isaac Newton discovered the theory of gravity along with other valuable physic theories that created a better world. It is believed that William Shakespeare wrote King Lear during the black plague when he was quarantined. Creating, cleaning, discovering new innovative inventions, learning more about a subject that you want to teach, learning a new language, cooking and baking, or doing any of the arts could all be used to serve others. We have the time to create, even if it is only an hour a day. It’s an hour that we may not have used before this crisis. Let’s use it now so that our work and creativity today will serve someone in the future.

Another way to be selfless is to not wallow in our loneliness and reach out and call someone. I know I have to be more diligent about this. We have become a society where most people text. Now is the time to actually speak with someone and have a conversation. We need to discover how our friends and family are doing through this crisis. We don’t have to have the answers for them. We just need to listen. Most people don’t want you to answer their problems or their situation. Most people just want someone to be there who is willing to listen. Let’s be selfless and be that person for someone else. We all need to give some time to the elderly and communication is vital.

There are other ways to communicate. We have discovered Zoom, which is an online conferencing website that has been a life savior during this time. We can use Zoom beyond business and set up Bible studies and book clubs, or game nights or whatever way we can connect with others. Social media does not have to be evil if we use it to connect with friends and family. We don’t have to be jealous of people posting their positive accomplishments. We can rejoice because we know that their long journey has come to fruition and that we can use it as an inspiration for our own desires. Selflessness allows us to rejoice with those who rejoice. We can reach out to those far away with social media and connect and encourage our friends and family.

Selflessness guides us to share our resources. If you are able to go out and gather supplies, gather some for an elderly neighbor or to donate to a mission. If you have the resources, give financially to places that are serving others such as hospitals, the missions, churches, schools for meals, etc. Being selfless is the best way to live during these times. It will create selflessness in the future when we are no longer quarantined to our homes.

Selfishness brings hoarding, fear, anger and bitterness. We have watched so many people in our society for the past century live in selfishness. They live by fear; they are angry; their anger turns to bitterness, which leads to choices that harms themselves and others. We can change that now. We are being given the opportunity to make that turn.

Let’s turn this around and be selfless and show the love of Jesus with our actions. We will be healthy in our soul, our body, and our heart. Our relationships will strengthen if we all are selfless. It’s not easy. If it were, everyone would already be doing it. Anything worth doing is never easy, but it’s always worth it. May we all live the life worth living as we live selflessly, just like the most selfless act of God. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

Faith vs. Fear

I understand that this current virus is serious, but that doesn’t mean we live our lives in fear. We fear the unknown. It is evident when we fear the unknown when we go to a store to buy supplies and they are gone because people have hoarded them. When we fear the unknown, we will become slaves to those who cause us to fear.  Fear has a result of someone else controlling our actions, our actions leading to unwise choices, and selfishness.

When we fear, someone else gets to control our actions.  When I worked in the church, I feared getting fired so everyone was able to control my activities and time. when I did use the powerful word, “No,” I was usually greeted with, “You’ll get fired if you don’t…” Today, I’m like, “Oh, well. I’ve been there. Done that. Hope not to do it tomorrow, but I’m still not doing that activity that has nothing to do with my current job and workload.” Fear puts other people in charge of our lives. We have to create boundaries that doesn’t allow fear or anyone to control our lives.

Faith means we look inwardly and decide that the only person we can fix or change is ourselves. We cannot control the actions of others, but we can control how we respond to those actions. Our response to those actions reveals our faith in God and in people. When we allow others to control our responses, our lives spiral out of control to the point that we become emotionally, spiritually, and physically weak and sick. When we gather strength, and move forward and away from those who want to control us to not do what we are gifted or called to do, we are living by faith. For the next few weeks, we can all live by faith and not by fear and not allowing those who want to control us with fear to lead us to make unwise choices.  

Fear creates unwise choices. Faith creates wise choices. My school, along with the entire Los Angeles school district sent us home for fourteen days. I advised my students to do the work that they were missing. It would be wise to do this during this time, so when they return, they can move forward in their academics. We all need to use our time wisely and pursue those tasks that we have pushed aside because we stated that we did not have time. For most of us, we just didn’t use our time wisely. Now, with much faith, we can use our time wisely. Many of those tasks are the dreams we want to pursue. We can stay away from public activities and begin pursuing those dreams. My job unknowingly gave me a two week break to have my own writing retreat at home. Pursuing our dreams is an action of faith. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things unseen.” Hebrews 11:1 Substance is the physical matter of which things exist. Faith is not just unseen. It is the actions of what we can see and pursuing our dreams with those tasks that need to be done for our dreams to materialize are actions of faith with wisdom.

 Fear leads us to acts of selfishness. In no way do I want to shame anyone who has gathered many supplies out of fear. I get it. The media has scared us to death, and they are angrily screaming that they did not tell us to gather toilet paper. The one thing I did discover during this time is that fear makes us selfish. When we fear, we hoard. I hoard books. I don’t know if I am afraid there will be a world without books, or I will need to use the pages for toilet paper one day, but I do hoard books. I do know that I sometimes fear I will not know something or someone, so books become my teachers and friends. It’s something I’m trying to cure. Knowing our fears is the first step in overcoming our fears. Admitting to what we fear is what will help us gather faith. We can all begin to overcome our fears. It might be taking time to ourselves and turning off the noise of those who bring fears, and it will also take being selfless.

Selflessness was revealed to me on a mission trip a few years ago. This was a mission trip in Samoa where the community shared all of their supplies and resources with everyone in their village. Stealing was a huge crime because you only needed to ask for help and they would give. It was the poorest community I have ever encountered and they were more selfless than any American community that I have ever lived or visited. Selflessness is an act of faith. Selflessness means we do not respond with fear and hoarding, but we respond with giving. A church in Los Angeles is responding with school closures with giving meals for the families and children that would have received meals at school. This church always steps up in a crisis. The Dream Center is an example of a response with selflessness that reveals faith instead of fear. We can all do something, even if it is something small. It can be a small act of giving some time to reach out to someone who could be lonely. It could be donating money or supplies to those in need. We all need to step up and be a voice of faith and not fear and selflessness is one way of that becoming a reality.

During this time with the pandemic, may we all live with faith and not fear. May we pursue our dreams, make wise decisions, and give of ourselves selflessly to others. May we all put our fears away and, “Walk by faith and not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

Life is a Marathon

Today, thousands of people will join 1% of the world’s population in completing the full 26.6 mile Los Angeles Marathon, including about twenty students from my high school. Many of them keep a pace that sustains them for the entire race. A few, who have not done enough training, cannot finish the race because they thought it would be like a sprint. In life pursuits, many people begin to pursue their goals and dreams as if they are sprints and become disappointed when they don’t reach fruition. We must pursue our passions in life like a marathon and not a sprint.

You have to train for a marathon and the training takes time. The students at my school are at the school every day from September to the Friday before the marathon, which is in March, at 5:00 AM. They run in several races, and with each race they run a greater distance so they can be ready to endure the 26.2 miles in the Los Angeles full Marathon. Whatever we attempt to build in any endeavor in life, we must train as if it is a Marathon and not a sprint. Unfortunately, many in society are training for sprints and their influence hinders our race.

Last week at a writer’s conference, I was reminded that it takes time to get a book published. It is a marathon. Any great piece of art has taken time to create and although most of us want to create it like a sprint, it takes a marathon to be crafted. Art and sports are not the only endeavors that require marathons over sprints. Emotional life choices are also marathons.

Letting go of past hurts takes time. We don’t just wake up one day and decide that it is out of our lives. With time, our hearts and souls begin to heal, and our souls begin to heal with each day at a time, or each hour, or each minute or each moment. With that time, we do what it takes emotionally to let go such as counselling, reading, journaling, praying, or whatever it is that heals our souls. Although it takes time, it really takes letting go. If we do not let go, then there is no point if wondering why time does not heal. Time only heals when we begin to take the steps to begin the healing, and that time is long like a marathon.

Persistence works with time. Doing anything worthwhile in life takes persistence. Success is not achieved overnight. It does occur as we continue to persevere through the difficult times and the rejections. Through time we discover how to become better at what we are trying to achieve. Through time, we find community and those who can work with us and guide us along the way. Without taking the time like a marathon, we fizzle out and begin resisting instead of persisting.

The cliché, “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” holds true. It takes large amounts of time to build anything that is worthy to create or build for others. In our world of modern technology, we want everything within an instant. We want our coffee in an instant, so we order it online. We want our food in an instant, so we put it in a microwave. We are able to communicate instantaneously. Our technology has helped us and hindered us, especially with the understanding that building a life that is worthy will never be instantaneous. It will take years to build, just like Rome.

We look at those who are successful and think that they became successful overnight. There is no overnight success. That is a lie. One celebrity said that she became famous overnight, only if you consider twelve years in the industry overnight.

We must remember that we are in control of our time. How we manage our time says more about our character than what we say we will do or what we want to do. Understanding that we must manage our time and use it wisely is part of the process. We must also understand that the best things in life come when we take the time to create. Life is a marathon. There are people running today that will make it across the finish line in less than three hours. The main group of people will finish in six to eight hours. There are the few in the back of the pack that will finish in eight to twelve hours, but they finished. They took the time to run an entire marathon. It’s not easy. It’s not quick, but the result is worth it. May we all approach our passions in life like a marathon and not a sprint.