Introspective

As I have aged, I have discovered many parts of myself. Some of those parts I like and some I don’t, but the one part that I have come to terms with is the fact that I know what I have to change and fix about myself. No one can change and fix me. I have to do it. One of the most difficult parts of a process of mental health is to look introspectively and discover about yourself what needs to be fixed or changed because I am the only one that I can fix and change.

We all have flaws. The Bible tells us that all of us have sinned and we continue to sin. No human being is perfect, although if you look through social media you can begin to wonder if you are the only person with any flaws. Not only do people choose perfect profile pictures, but they also declare how wonderful they are as they tear others apart on social media and point out the flaws and sins of others. It can become brutal.

 If we are not careful, it can lead to negative thoughts of not being “good enough” and that how I think, believe, or what I do is so deplorable there is no way that I can be redeemed. I know that’s a bit stretched, but the inundation of political posts can begin to do that to a person, especially when we all have more time to be on social media during this time of quarantine.

When I first realized that I had to change and fix myself and stop trying to change and fix others, it was a gut wrenching process. First, I had to see my own flaws and understand how those flaws affect people around me. I have a planner this year that asks at the end of each weekday, “What is one thing you can do to make tomorrow better?” It’s a great question, as it reminds me that first, tomorrow is a new day, and second, I can make tomorrow better just by doing one small task. I can fix and change one flaw one task at a time. I just have to remember to see my flaws as fixable, because they are.  

As we are locked up in our homes during this quarantine, our minds can race with thoughts of all our flaws that need to be out of our lives. The guilt of our wrongdoings can lead to shame. Throughout my lifetime, people have guilt-shamed me into doing what they want me to do instead of me doing what was right for me. This occurred in the church, school, family, jobs, and relationships. In every realm of life, people will try to guilt shame you that you are not worthy. They are trying to change and fix you. The reality is that they refuse to look introspectively into themselves and fix and change themselves, and they forget that the only person they can fix and change is themselves.

I cannot fix or change anyone, except myself. None of us can fix or change anyone but ourselves. That was one of the best revelations in my aged life that I have discovered. I hope younger people can begin to have this revelation. I can inspire, challenge, and encourage others, but I cannot change them. The church has tried for years to change people. It’s failed because Jesus can change them if they accept Jesus. People do not have the power to change and fix other people, except themselves. People who guilt-shame do not fix or change people. To be honest, none of the people who rant and rave are my people who inspire me. The people who inspire me challenge me to think differently. They encourage me to do better the next time. They inspire me with love and grace that Jesus loves me in spite of my flaws and sins. They inspire me to change, but they do not try to fix or change me. I am changed because of their words of inspiration, but they guide me to reflect on myself.

We’ve been locked up in our homes for a month. A month is a long time. It can give us perspective of how we used to live and how we took it for granted. We can look at how we treated people, and what we need to do to be better people when this time is done. It’s difficult to change habits, but it starts with one small change at a time. Maybe during this time, the habit is to think before we speak. That can start on social media to not respond to a post. The habit of being lazy can change as we can all do one small task a day that takes some amount of energy that we did not use the past day. Whatever the habit is that we need to form, we need to begin creating it now, so that when this is over, we are better.

Step by step is how we can break a bad habit, but it is also how we develop good habits. We can do one task each day that creates a good habit. It can be very small, such as making our beds. Whatever it is, we only achieve it when we take it step by step each day. I remember in 2014, a speaker challenged me when he said that no one keeps a New Year’s Resolution. I decided that day that in 2015 I would commit to writing every day. It’s 2020, and I have written every day for the past five years. I have not only become a more proficient writer, but also a better teacher of writing to my students. It took one day at a time to develop a habit.

May we all use this time in quarantine to focus on what we can do and what good habits we can create. It is with that line of thinking that we will be able to fix and change ourselves, which in turn will fix and change the world around us. It will not be posting any meme, or any political rant that will fix or change anyone, but each of us taking on one good habit to create. Good habits lead to good results. At the end of this quarantine, with good habits in place, we may all be surprised in the end who has changed the most.