Why? Why Are We Afraid of Questions?

 

I ask questions. I ask a lot of questions, and it infuriates people and gets me in trouble. As a teacher, I have to answer a lot of questions because in education we say there are no stupid questions except the ones not asked. So, not only do I answer questions, but I continue to ask them. Asking questions keeps me educated and informed. So, this may make people angry, but I have questions that I want answers to, but I’ll settle for trying to understand why these questions make people angry. 

First, many people desperately want to believe in something or someone higher than themselves, so they search everywhere. When they find it in science, politics, or religion, they take in all the information without asking any questions. Then, when people begin to ask them questions, they get angry because not only do they not have the answers, but they are frustrated that someone does not share their same belief, or that they have had those questions and others have become angry with them. 

When we encounter people, who are frustrated when we ask questions, we must remember that they are the ones struggling with the issue, not us. It’s time to ask the right questions and ask how they are doing. It’s time we begin to ask the right questions to the right people, and begin to find answers to our questions and not just ask questions to make people angry. 

Second, many people ask questions to prove their point. We need to ask questions to learn and understand other people and their beliefs, not just to prove ourselves right. If we need to prove what we belief is right, then we may need to reexamine what we believe and search for our own answers. The religious leaders asked Jesus questions to trap, him so they could prove that they were right and to justify their killing of Jesus. Jesus is smarter than our puny human brains and He knew what they were doing, so he would many times answer them with a question or he would make a statement, with or without words, that addressed the real issue of their questioning. Jesus could win any question situation because He has the answers. We just need to listen to Him and cast away the garbage that others have surrounded with His answers. 

There are many areas of my Christian faith that I have questioned, so I have turned to the Bible, commentaries, the original Greek and Hebrew Bibles, and other study helps to answer my questions. I have also looked into those who believe differently than me and discovered what they believe and why they believe it. When we search for the answers, we will find some of them. For some of my questions, it will take a lifetime of searching, and it is worth it because each search for my answers leads to a discovery of something new that strengthens my faith in Jesus. There are some questions that may never get answered, but that doesn’t mean everything is wrong. It just means I may need to be asking other questions. When I stop asking questions, I begin to doubt because I am not growing and searching for answers. 

The third reason why people get angry when we ask questions is because they don’t want to reveal that they are wrong or what they believe has holes or is incorrect. Nobody wants to look foolish in front of other people. When we ask questions on social media to prove people wrong and make them look foolish, it is exactly what we are doing. It’s not Christ-like and it’s not kind. I do know teachers that did not welcome questions from students. They do not want the students to know that there are things they don’t know, which is ridiculous because no one can know everything. It makes the students be more confident to ask more pressing questions when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and answer with honesty when we don’t know the answers, and when we don’t get angry when questions are asked. 

May we all find the answers for which we are searching. May we never stop asking questions to the issues to which we really want answers. May we always ask people how they are doing and mean it because it is within asking questions that we discover the answer to how people are doing. It is within asking questions that we discover that we don’t have to know everything and we can have questions in our faith and still have a strong belief in Jesus and God’s Word. It is through asking questions that we can discover how to love those who believe and think differently than us because with the questions we will find the answers. 

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Happy Thanksgiving ABC Style

 Every year in my teaching career I give my students the same challenge that I used in youth ministry. They are to list the things that they are thankful for using every letter of the alphabet. They can only list five names. It’s a challenge, but their creativity makes them realize that even in the darkest times, there is something for which we can be grateful.  

This year has been a challenge. For some of us, the challenge has been greater with physical complications, family members with physical complications, job losses, loss of life, forced to move, political unrest, racial unrest, pandemic, lockdowns, shutdowns, curfews, and other personal challenges that people have. Through all of the challenges there are things for which to be grateful. In fact, we can all think of at least twenty-six things. The following are my twenty-six items for Thanksgiving 2020. 

A-Adversity—Although no one likes adversity, we learn from it. The adversity this year has taught me many lessons that I will carry into the future. 

B—Books—If you know me, you knew this would be on the list somewhere. Books teach lessons and tell stories that take us places that create new worlds for us. 

C—Church—Never before have I understood the importance of meeting together on Sundays and throughout the week with my family in the church. We are far from perfect and we have a lot of work to do to represent the love Christ has for all people, but we can do it with meeting together and working together. (Mosaic has my heart.) 

D—Dreams—Dreams become goals and goals become reality when we take life step by step to reach them. I have been thankful for my dreams that 2020 has created. 

E—Education—I am grateful that I had an integrated education with excellent teachers of all races and religions and students of the same. Education opened doors for me that led into opportunities. 

F—Friends—This year has reminded me to take no friendship for granted and to make the time to spend in person with my friends. It has also given me encouragement to make more friends. It’s healthy for all of us.  

G—Grace—We are saved by grace and not works. This has been such a blessing to me this year when so many memes on social media telling me that I had to do something in order to be a Christian. Nothing we do will ever be enough for what Christ did for us on the cross. 

H—Health—This pandemic has reminded me how important it is to remain healthy. I am grateful that I have been healthy this year. Many of us can be grateful for the health that we have. 

I—Internet—It may sound silly, but the Internet has kept me connected with humans outside of my family. There may be negative effects of this invention, but it keeps us connected in a pandemic which is valuable to our health. 

J—Jesus—He loves us so much that He died on the cross for all of us, even for those that reject Him. There is nothing I can do to earn his love. All I can do is accept his love and grace and love him back with my love for others every day. 

K—Kinfolk-- This year I remembered the importance of a family working together for a common cause to heal one family member. Family may not ever be perfect, but family shapes us into who we are. We get to choose to bring righteousness or evil to it. 

L—Love—Many people misuse this word, myself included, but it’s not an emotion but an action. Throughout 2020, we have all been challenged to love people who think and believe differently than us. Love. It’s what makes the world go around.

M—Music—As I write, I listen to music. Music creates a space of peace and reflection. I have a love for all different styles and genres of music and during this pandemic, I have been able to have more time to listen and enjoy the sounds that express our feelings and thoughts. Music heals an aching soul. 

N—Netflix—I am late to the game. I refused to get Netflix because I knew it would take time from me as the shows all sounded so addictive and I’m already a television junkie, but then, Cobra Kai entered Netflix. I caved and got a Netflix account. Beyond that amazing show Cobra Kai, I have explored documentaries and other series that have been created and take me to another world during this pandemic and political unrest. While everyone was arguing over who won the election, I want to know who killed who on the series I am watching. 

O—Opportunities—There are so many opportunities that are out there. I have discovered I just have to start taking advantage of the opportunities that are handed to me or within in my reach. During this time to stay at home, I have become more aware of the opportunities that are offered to me. 

P—Peace—It sounds like an oxymoron, but peace is there within our reach when we realize it’s not about being calm, but about remaining faithful and focusing on our goals when there is chaos all around us. It’s the peace Jesus gives us. 

Q—Quiet times. I take walks to have times of absolute quiet. It’s difficult to find in the city, but I have found two places that are gems. In those quiet moments, I have prayed, reflected, and discovered answers to my questions. 

R—Risks—The only way to accomplish any goal is to take risks. I have to constantly remember that I have only become better when I have taken risks. i am grateful for every risk that I have taken, whether I have succeeded or failed. I have learned from every single one.  

S—Self-Awareness—In the past few years, I have been able to reflect on who I am with my flaws and strengths and it has guided me in my teaching and writing. Knowing who God created us to be is powerful. 

T—Teaching—I have discovered the importance and love for teaching again as I am in a place with love and support for all the shareholders. We can all be teachers and learners. 

U—Understanding—I am grateful for all of those who are understanding of me, especially Jesus. 

V—Victory—Along with victory in life, Los Angeles has experienced some victory in the form of sports with the Lakers and Dodgers. They brought bright moments in a world of darkness. 

W—Writing—Through writing my voice can speak. My prayer is that more people will be able to hear my voice. 

X—X-Factor—We all have been in this pandemic that will have a significant outcome. I’m thankful for those of us who have realized that it is us as individuals that will have the significant outcome with our impact on the world. 

Y—Young People—I am grateful for every student that I have ever had the privilege to teach or lead. They have taught me more than I have taught them. 

Z—Zany Ideas—God has given us all ideas. It’s what we do with them that will make a difference. I am grateful for all the zany ideas I have had this year, especially while searching for jobs. 

May I challenge all of us to find at least twenty-six things for which to be grateful. Happy Thanksgiving! 

Being Right or Being Kind

 The meme drops on social media. The person who drops it on their social media post drops it as if they dropped the mic at the end of their speech, but the whole speech is not there, and in its remnants, lie there creating divisiveness. It’s not the memes that are wrong, but the intent that lies behind them. 

In a special issue of Scientific American about truth vs. lies, it addresses the issue of memes and the meanness that they contribute to the lies on social media. During the pandemic, I have been able to be on social media more often than before. It’s been both helpful and hurtful. I have contributed to both the help and the hurt. It’s a struggle that we have had since the beginning of time. Do we desire to be right or to be kind? 

When we communicate online, we are able to say anything and not get slapped in the face. (Although, my high school students have slapped people in the face for what they posted online.) It’s the hiding behind our computers that has damaged relationships. It feels safe to be able to drop a meme or make a statement that reveals that our thoughts and beliefs are right, but they are rarely kind. Do we ever stop to think that maybe people are struggling in life beyond the pandemic, election, or whatever else is occurring in the world?   

Although the meme or statement is right or correct, the way in which it is stated is not done with kindness. It’s as if we see a friend in public, walk up to them, make the statement, turn around and leave them wondering what that was all about. We don’t even stop to ask how they are doing. We just have to be right. We have to justify our beliefs, which makes me wonder that if we have to justify them maybe they are not as right as we thought, including our Christian beliefs that are stated that cause people to hurt and walk away from their faith in God. Jesus addressed the whole complex issue. He always spoke the truth with love and kindness. We need to emulate Him. 

We need to begin to think of others. I often respond on social media with unkind words. I regret them later, but in the moment, I fail.  I need to remember that people are dealing with many issues right now. As we approach the holiday season, we need to realize that people struggle in this season with loved ones that are lost, financial difficulties, and jobs that are lost or demanding and on the verge of being lost. 

There is something to be said about being right about an issue, topic, or belief. If we believe so strongly about something, we need to begin to do something about it. For years, I stood outside the walls of education screaming that there was inequity within those walls. I screamed that something needed to be done to fix the education system. People within the education system told me I needed to return to education. I think there were two reasons. One, I was annoying them, and they were kind. The second reason is better. They recognized my passion. They recognized that I could be a problem solver. I just had to put my money where my mouth was. Back then, it was my mouth. Today, it’s all online. 

It’s difficult to put aside our rightness to show kindness, but it is much needed. Before we enter the full season of Thanksgiving and Christmas, may we begin to think more of being kind and less of being right. People struggle with the holiday season, and this year, many will struggle for many reasons and many will be alone. Our words online will be more impactful. 

I have to continue to work on that which is wrong in order to make a right, but I cannot do it by being rude or mean, or make rude or mean comments on social media. Antagonizing people never works. Inspiring people always works. We all follow those that inspire us to be better. May we all begin to gather more followers by being inspiring. Jesus changed lives. He didn’t do it by being mean or rude. May His followers start the chain of being kind. 

Grey Matters

 I have been binge watching a show on Netflix that has deep character development. The heroes have good hearts, but they also have dark deceptive acts that they commit. The villains have committed some of the grossest crimes and yet, the writers have created stories that build goodness and kind acts that the villains also commit. It can be mind-boggling, but it can also be comforting to recognize that all of us stand with grey matters. 

As a writer, I have discovered that all of my characters need to have flaws and good characteristics. The apostle Paul struggled with this and revealed it in Romans 7:15. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.” We all struggle with the same struggle Paul had. We all want to do and be good, but then we stumble and sin, and we commit the exact sin that we observe in others and despise that they have. 

It’s impossible to be perfect. Jesus is the only one who has walked this earth and was a perfect sinless human being. We can look to him for our help and our rock. It’s frustrating to connect with people who see the flaws and good in human built institutions. It just may be that we forget that humans have created and built these institutions and entities; therefore, they are flawed, and yet they contain good. 

I actually like the book Frankenstein. The reader is conflicted throughout the entire story of who the real monster is. The writer was conflicted in her own life with her flaws and goodness. She struggled her entire life to know true love and to be loved for who she was and not what others wanted her to be. Most readers can relate to her characters in this book as we all have the same struggles of wanting to be loved for who we are and not what others project on us. No one can live up to their social media persona. We all become disappointed in people. We all have disappointed people. The more we can empathize the better we will all become. 

Let us all give grace to everyone. To people that we know and love, may our grace and mercy extend the most and may we listen to their hurts and questions and begin to understand their viewpoints that are different than the ones we have. To people that we lead, may we give grace and room for them to be able to question us with our viewpoints, so that we can become better people and leaders. To those we only connect with on social media or mere acquaintances in life, may we extend grace and love to their viewpoints and instead of arguing and debating, we listen and move forward. 

As we all move forward, may we begin to see people for who they are. They have flaws. They have good acts. If we polarize people into good and evil, then we refuse to see our own good and evil. I have to continue to believe that Jesus is more powerful than any human being and He can step in and change lives. I’ve seen him do it many times. Jesus will always be better than any human being. May we lean on him and listen to his words more and more every day. 

Hope

 

2020 

2019

Hope in the Midst of Despair

A year ago, pitcher Clayton Kershaw sat alone on the bench in the dugout as he watched the Nationals celebrate their win in the playoff series over the Dodgers and Kershaw’s performance. A fan even threw his Kershaw jersey out on the field. Kershaw believed that he had a curse with the playoffs, but then the cheating scandal was revealed. The 2020 season had no spring training and they played fewer games because of Covid-19. Somehow, the Dodgers prevailed and Kershaw won both of his games in the World Series and the Dodgers are the 2020 World Series Champions. A stark difference from sitting alone on the bench. 

When the world saw the lonely player on the bench, that player saw the future to be brighter. He and his team never lost hope. In these times of despair, we cannot lose hope. Hope is all we have when it feels like the world is spinning out of control, and we must hold onto it and not lose it. 

When we are overwhelmed with the world shut down and our businesses our closing or on the brink of closing, we cannot lose hope that one day it will be brighter. When the Presidential election brings out the absolute worst in people, both the voters and all of the candidates, we cannot lose hope that we will always have the freedom to vote for whom we want to be our leaders. We cannot lose hope because then we lose in life and we do not grow or learn. Without hope, we remain in our past failures and tragedies. 

It’s easy to throw in the towel and give up on our dreams, our relationships, our values, our country, our jobs, and there is no reward for it but despair and a life time of wondering what if this or that would have occurred. It takes strength and courage to start the very next day with a winning attitude and believing that we can start over and make it better than it was in the time of despair.  

The media will lead you to despair because they want you to rely on them. Social media people will lead you to despair because they want you to be as miserable as they are. Your true friends and family will guide you into the hope that you need to have. Jesus will bring you to that hope to continue in life. 

When we allow humans to control our thoughts and actions, we fall into despair and lose hope. We are easier to control when we are in despair. When we have hope, and continue to move forward, not only are we allowing for healing and resilience to reside within us, we are making room for the Holy Spirit to guide us to wisdom and growth in Christ and human beings cannot control us. We become so fierce that human beings fear us. 

Hope. It is what propels us to move forward even when the world around us looks bleak. Hope. It’s what motivates us to get back up when we fail, even when we fail over and over again. Hope can defeat the humans who scream at us that if we don’t follow their words, we will never succeed. 

The picture of Clayton Kershaw sitting in despair reminds us all that we have failed and have wounded ourselves and others. The picture of Clayton Kershaw celebrating the World Series Championship reminds us to not listen to the evil and give into the despair around us, but to continue to have hope and to do what we can to make the world around us a little brighter. Hope. It may be the only thing we have, but it’s worth more than any trophy, gold, silver, Presidential election, relationship failures, job loss or death. We may not be able to see the future, but we have hope that our faith will give us strength. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 Faith begins with hope. Hope. We must hold on to it and never let go of it.