No More Nice Girl

It’s the beginning of the school year, and all over social media there are memes that inform young people to be nice to others at school this year. They are to be nice to students who are different from them. They are to be nice to all kids, no matter what situation the young person may be. They are to be nice to their teachers. I have to be honest. I loathe the word, “Nice.” I’ve been nice, and the results have never been positive. It doesn’t mean we have to be the opposite. Maybe, we should all be something that is actually how we want others to treat us.

The Google definition of “Nice,” is pleasant, agreeable, and satisfactory, or even fine and subtle. As a teacher, I want my students to go beyond satisfactory and become superior. I do not always want them to be agreeable. They need to disagree in order to have their own opinions. I definitely do not want my students to be subtle. I can see through their subtlety and realize that they are just doing the work for a grade, or with disdain.

What we really want people to be is KIND. Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate, according to the Google dictionary. We can be kind and not become a doormat for people to step on, wipe their feet, and walk away, which is when we are being nice. Being kind means we actually have to interact with someone and understand their point of view without agreeing with it. Being kind means we actually will have conversations with people who are different from us or think differently from us.

Jesus was kind. He didn’t allow others to walk on Him as many perceive that he did. Jesus was generous and considerate. He was never rude. Mean is not the opposite of kind. Rude is. It’s interesting that we want to teach our young people to be nice or kind, but we as adults are rude and mean to others. We may only do it when we hide behind a computer screen, but our young people are watching. Some of my friends even cheer for those who are rude and mean and then demand that the rest of us be kind. We cannot tell others to be kind unless we are kind ourselves. We must set the example for others as Christ set the example for us.

Our young people today are actually wiser than they were “back in the day.” They see and hear what adults are doing. Very few of them encounter kindness in their lives. We can tell them to be the different child at school and be kind, but what a better world it would be if we would also work on our own kindness. We need the next generation to be better than us. We need them to do better than us. We cannot just expect it to come out of nowhere. We must set the example. Every day I step into the classroom, I have to remind myself to be kind. There are some days when my students make that very easy, and there are other days, in which they make that very difficult. It is my goal this year to be kind and to respond with kindness.  I hope I can do it.  Oh, by the way, I would be okay if my students chose to be “nice” to me. I’ll just try to teach them to be kind instead.

No More Thougts and Prayers

On August 3, 2019, there was another mass shooting in our country. It was in El Paso, Texas. It has been discovered in that shooting that the young man wanted to kill Mexicans. Then, later that night or early Sunday morning, there was a mass shooting in Dayton, Ohio. More than thirty lives have been lost and more than forty lives have been injured. Most people keep posting on social media that their thoughts and prayers are with those who are injured or those who lost loved ones, but the non-Christians are angry with that, and even some Christians.

I get it, sort of. I agree that we have to DO something besides just think and pray, but I also believe that we can’t just yell, “Go vote!” Thanks. There are no polls open today. (This comment comes when you throw your biased rhetoric at a sarcastic person.) People are correct. We must think, pray, and act, but many will not like the actions that need to take place, so they will spew their anger and hatred on social media, but maybe, just maybe, we can do enough for the few who are willing to change the story. 

First, we need to stop working so hard to be right and start working to understand those we disagree or hate. Sorry, but if you are always attacking a specific group of people in your rants, whether in real life or on social media, you reveal hatred. We need to listen. What is it that our enemies fear? If they hate a political party, what do they fear about that political party? What do they fear about people they do not know? This brings me to my second point.

We MUST get to know people who are different from us and we MUST invite them into our lives and circles. People fear what they do not know. Where I work, people do not move beyond corners of certain streets and explore all of Los Angeles. Many have never met or have had a friend that is not of their ethnicity, which is horrifying to think about in this very diverse city. They believe the rhetoric in the media about the other cultures. We have to do better. Go explore your city. Meet people who are different from you and create new friendships. Get to know people that are different from you and have different beliefs from you, whatever those differences may be. Don’t read articles about them. Get to know them. Have a meal with them. It will change you. Trust me.

We must be kind. We have a crisis in our country. We have people who love their guns more than people because they say horrible things to people who suggest new laws.  I don't know if new laws will help, but I know that when people are cruel, they are not helpful to anyone. We have people who are on social media that they do not have any real friends. We have mental illnesses that have people believing that everyone around them is scary or the world owes them something. Being kind is doing something. Look for opportunities in which you can help someone instead of criticizing them. Encourage someone who is struggling in life. We must stop looking at what people do that is wrong and begin to see the potential that they have to make the world a better place.

We must think before we speak. We must think before we write a post. I struggled with this post. I’m speaking to myself as much as to anyone else. There are days in the classroom when I want to spew back with sarcastic remarks to students who are being defiant because their lives are falling apart. I’m doing better, but I still struggle. Knowing our own flaws is conquering half the problem. Christians, we must control our speech. We are some of the worst people about it. (I say we because I know I struggle.) I am not talking about cursing, but the words we say TO and ABOUT people are worse than the curse words. If we work on controlling our own tongues, then we do not have enough time to control what other people do, and we are creating a better world around us. 

Finally, we need to love. Jesus said the greatest two commandments are “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And, love your neighbor as yourself.” There are two commands with three to love. Love God. When you love God, you love others. You can only love others when you love yourself, or else how could you love your neighbor as yourself? Love means apologizing when you’ve hurt someone. Love means forgiving someone, not for them, but for you to let go and move forward in life. Love means love someone who is different from you. You don’t have to agree with them, but you have to love them. You can love those from another political party and still keep your values. You can love someone with different religious beliefs from you and still hold on to your beliefs. You can love someone who is beleives differently from you about sexual orientation and still hold on to your beliefs. Love doesn't mean sacrificing your beliefs. It means loving with your beliefs so you don't build a wall from people seeing Jesus who lives in you. 

I don’t think in a black and white world where we either have thoughts and prayers or actions. I live in a world where we can think, pray, and act. So, I will think about these tragedies. I will pray for the victims. I will act. Maybe if we did all three, this world will be a better place in which to live.